


Two Toothbrushes

by SkywardGeek



Series: Original Works [5]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen, N/A - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:28:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25515769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkywardGeek/pseuds/SkywardGeek
Relationships: None
Series: Original Works [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/887826
Kudos: 1





	Two Toothbrushes

****Two Toothbrushes** **

****

No one has ever really questioned it. Why I have two toothbrushes in my bathroom. Maybe it wouldn’t be unusual for some people, but for me… someone who’s always single and doesn’t have, _ahem_ , shall we say _overnight guests,_ it should be strange. It is strange.

Maybe not. Maybe I’m just over-thinking it because I know exactly why I have two toothbrushes.

I’m not obsessive. I don’t think so at least. These thoughts don’t occupy my every waking moment. They don’t stop me sleeping. But they’re there. Back of the mind kind of stuff.

I’m not obsessive. Sure, I have a right way to load the dishwasher (separate the cutlery in the cutlery basket you heathens - forks go in a separate compartment to knives, it makes it easier to put away later), and sure, my room may be a mess but I can tell you exactly where everything is in that mess (SHAPES - Stacks, Heaps, And Piles Everywhere). But I’m not obsessive.

Maybe a little obsessive.

I like the… control. Maybe. That might not be the right word.

I like knowing where things are, and I like having rules and rhymes and reasons for things.

Maybe I like rules. The knowing how things are. I created rules that I could fit into. That I could obey, so then I’d be good (enough).

I know other people don’t think like that. A friend of mine can tell just by looking at me that she’s done something that my brain can’t compute - like odd socks. Who wears odd socks?! Don’t worry, she’s always nice about it, and I never actually tell her when something is bothering me like that.

Because I know other people don’t think like that. I try not to force my thinking on them.

It might be genetic. My mum is similar in this regard. She used to obsessively brush her teeth. Multiple times a day - more than the recommended twice. It would be after every meal and every cup of tea. She’s better about that now but still, it might be genetic.

It might be learned. The cutlery thing is something my whole family does. And my dad likes things to be kept clean in the kitchen, but he too operates via the SHAPE method of organisation in every other room. Maybe I learned it from my family. Maybe I take after him.

It might just me and a coping mechanism I developed for the trauma I refuse to acknowledge because it _wasn’t ever that bad_ and _I’ve made it this far_ and _I’m fine._ Because I used to obsessively wash my hands. A guy at school made me feel unclean with his words and actions towards me and my teenage brain transferred that feeling into a need to be physically clean. So I used to wash my hands obsessively. And use hospital strength alcohol gel. After a while it started taking the first couple of layers of skin off my hands. They were sore and chapped all the time, and adding alcohol gel only caused pain to the cracks in my skin.

I managed to stop doing that. Some how. Downgraded into just washing my hands whenever I come in from outside. And - this is a weird one - cleaning my feet. I have whatever the opposite of a fetish is over feet. So maybe that need for cleanliness never went away. Or maybe it changed into something else.

Something unnameable, though I and a few doctors have tried.

Because this isn’t quite depression, and it’s not really anxiety, and it doesn’t fall into OCD really. I’m still waiting to be checked for ADHD but that’s a three year waiting list, so I won’t find out for a while.

A lot of the symptoms are the same for all of these. Am I depressed because I have OCD? Do I fidget because I have anxiety or is it that I have ADHD? Do I feel nauseous and am I not eating because of depression? Or is there something I’ve forgotten to do which is gnawing at me? They are so intertwined that it’s hard to pull them apart.

So no one ever questions the two toothbrushes. Maybe they think it’s just one of those things I do, like loading the dishwasher a certain way. Maybe they think it’s an old one I’ve never thrown away, because I’m lazy. Maybe they think I’m having a secret dalliance with some unknown partner, because… well I cannot think of any reason why they’d think that. Or maybe it’s something much more boring.

Maybe it’s just a rule I have for myself.

Maybe this is all the obsessive thoughts of a mad woman who over-thinks inconsequential things.

Because honestly, who gives a second thought to an extra toothbrush.


End file.
